Friday, September 25, 2009

So I did as the lady suggested.......

Yesterday was Jonny and Karl day again.

You may remember that one of our senior staff suggested that I should try to be nice to them and make them welcome in my lessons. I greeted them in the doorway as they arrived (late) with great warmth and a beatific smile (although every instinct in my body was shouting "Kill!".)

"Morning Guys. Good to see you."

"Is he taking the piss?"

"Now then Karl," (My big smile is now giving me a headache.) "I've arranged for you to work in the ACCESS unit today on that piece of English coursework you were so concerned about but accidently left in here last lesson."

"Fuck that."

"Nevertheless, if you'd like to take yourself off the Access...No Jonny , not you. You're staying here. Sorry? I didn't quite catch that....? Nothing? Are you sure? O.K."

Jonny slummocked about for a bit and then flopped on to a chair and kicked the desk.

"Careful Jonny. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Jonny continued in his usual way, turning round and taking the pen of the girl on the row behind and sticking it up his nose.

"Jonny, please don't do that. Turn round and start the work I've set you."


"...and I still need you to get on with your work. Thank you." My demeanour began to take on the nature of Mary Poppins.

Jonny's phone then went off and he got up to leave the room to take the call.

There was stunned silence in the room and then uproar from the others.

"I'm really sorry Jonny but that means that I have to confiscate your phone and you have to go into departmental exclusion. That will be with Mr. Martin."

"Fuck that. I'm off home."

"Bye now. Have a safe journey."

Than on the way home from choir (Mozart's Requiem) I was forced to do an emergency stop by two men rolling about in the road fighting while another looked on and threw beer at them to encourage them.

I got out. "Get out of the road you idiots before someone runs you over. What's the matter with you?"

I was immediately surrounded by the three of them as other cars slewed all over the road.

"Shut the fuck up and get off the road yourself."

"Oh right, that's logical. I'm in a car on the road and you want me to get off the road. I know. Should I drive on the pavement while you three pedestrains prat about in the road?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Is it me? Am I an idiot magnate?