Friday, October 30, 2009

All Ears: Overheard in tea-rooms.


Oh yes. My mother loves her new teeth. She wears them all the time. Except at meal times.

So she let the budgie out and it flew straight on to the lit gas hob. Went up like a torch. Anyway I put brandy on its millett and it perked up.

I knew they were having an affair when he gave her those raspberry canes.

Anyway I knew it was him from behind in Marks and Spencer's. I recognised his pack-a-mack. But it was Easter Day so who was to tell him that he couldn't?

He gave a wonderful urology at the funeral.

I can't buy their clothes: I can barely get into the changing rooms!

Now then: brain surgery. It's not rocket science is it?

I do try to protect the planet. I only use the car when absolutely necessary, like getting from a-b.

An elderly lady was accompanied by her teenaged Grandaughter. The girl's mobile rang. "Good grief Dear. How did they know you were here?"

Did you see that new underpants advert with David Beckham? He's moved men's pants into a whole new ball game.

It's not so bad having twins. You still get eight hours sleep - it's just spread over six days.

Yes, I think when he wrote "rapist" monks, he probably meant "trapist" monks.

I am not a sexist. I love women. Who do you think I allow to iron my shirts and cook my meals?