Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Revision time. Or not!


Lesson 1: A top set. Twenty nine on the register and twenty seven present. Right guys. The exam's on May 18th as you know. I thought we'd do some silent revision today.

Howls of laughter.

No. Seriously. I'd like you to do an hour's worth of silent revision. Now. In here. With me as specialist consultant. I can't force you to revise at home but at least I can make sure that you do something constructive today.

They did!

There was a quiet buzz as some kids chose to work in pairs and test each other. There was a little quiet movement around the room as others got up to collect a variety of text books. I did a quick sweep of the room to see who was doing what: religion and prejudice here, beliefs about God in this pair, abortion, suffering and evil, peace and conflict, science and religion, teaching on love and forgiveness.

All on task.

Period 5: A bottom set. Twenty two on the register and nine present. Right guys. The exam's on May 18th as you know. I thought we'd do some silent revision today.

Howls of laughter.

No. Seriously. I'd like you to do an hour's worth of silent revision. Now. In here. With me as specialist consultant. I can't force you to revise at home but at least I can make sure that you do something constructive today.

They did.

For five minutes.

Scott. Stop touching Keiran. There's too much touching amongst the boys in this group. Just go out with each other and be done with it.

"I'm not gay."

Then leave each other alone.

There is ten minutes of quiet.

Sir. do you know who I fancy?

I've a feeling you're going to tell me whatever I say Ellie.

"I fancy Luke."

There is a groan from the other side of the room. It is Luke. "Sir. She's stalking me."

"Yes but you know you like it. I'll wear you down."

"For ****'s sake." (muttered, so I don't hear it.)

Anyway! Revision.

"Sir are we doing worship?"

No. Use the contents page in the revision text book. It'll tell you what to revise.

"Are we doing family life?"

No. Use the contents page in the revision book. It'll tell you what to revise.

"Are we doing Lesbians?"

No. use the contents page in the revision book . It'll tell you what to revise.

"Are we doing..?"

USE THE CONTENTS PAGE IN THE REVISION BOOK. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT WORK WE HAVE DONE AFTER THREE YEARS OF STUDY WITH ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS BEFORE THE EXAM?

"Do you fancy me Luke?"

"No! Sir, tell her."

You tell her. She's not trying to get off with me.

"You do Luke. You just don't know it yet."

"You're an ugly slapper."

Enough already. This is supposed to be silent revision. Scott! Stop doing that.

Another five minutes pass.

"I'm bored."

Just a suggestion here. HOW ABOUT DOING SOME REVISION?

"I can't revise, me."

That's why we are doing this. You don't even have your book open...

"I don't like reading."

"Where's your exercise book?"

"I've lost it."

Right. How about the school's Virtual Learning Environment? I've put loads of revision notes on recently.

"I don't like computers."

You haven't asked me any questions. That's why I'm here.

"Yes I have. Loads."

All about topics we aren't doing.

"Was Jesus a Buddhist?"

More time passes.

"Do you think I'm manly?"

Are you asking me?

"It was more general"

O.K. Scott, you're five foot three. What else can I say?

"But I've got a six pack. Do you wan't to see?"

Screams of dissent.

Do your shirt up and sit down.

"I'm bored. Why do we have to do this?"

Now let me see. BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT AN EXAM IN A FORTNIGHT - UNLESS I KILL YOU FIRST. DID YOU SEE THAT STORY IN THE PAPER WHERE THE TEACHER BEAT A PUPIL SENSELESS WITH DUMBELLS FOR ANNOYING HIM? WELL THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

More silence.

Scott. Don't do that.

The final bell rings.

"Luke. Wait for me honey!"