Friday, November 19, 2010

Teenagers, Sex Ed. and Chlamydia


"Ryan! Stop waving your wee in my face" isn't an admonishment a teacher hears too often in his career and so I zoned in fairly swiftly from my autopilot reverie.

Eh?

Sir. Tell him!

Tell him what?

He's waving his wee in my face.

Ryan. Apparently you're waving your wee in her face. Will that do Shona?

No. Tell him to stop. It's not nice.

To cut a long story short I explored the situation further. Doorman-Poirot gets his man. Well his boy.

There had been a special Enterprise Event in school today - no don't ask, my blood pressure, don't you know - where some outside agency had offered chlamydia testing to our students. Don't get me wrong: STIs are a serious issue and anything that improves the situation has to be good, but somewhere along the line something seems to have gone wrong. Take Ryan. Anyone less likely to have contracted an STI would be hard to imagine. Weedy, buck-toothed and with very thick lensed glasses Ryan isn't your immediate best-guess for a teenaged lothario.

But sir, they were giving out free boxer-shorts to anyone who had a test so I had a go.

They were rather classy. Might pop over myself after break, assuming I can wade through the litter of blown up condoms.

Ah, teenagers: so much fun.